I have a strong bond with my Grandfather, what do I do?

About a year ago i moved in with my nannan and grandad for a number of reasons...but now my grandad has been diagnosed with kidney cancer which there is no cure for! me and my grandad have got such a good bond like a farther and son would have. i dont know how to deal with knowing that he is going to die no matter what unless he has a healing from god as some would say. what do i do?

I am very sorry to hear that your granddad has kidney cancer which you have said there is no cure for. I was unsure what you meant here, whether you meant that there was no cure for kidney cancer generally, or whether there is no cure for your granddad. In fact, there are different types and stages of kidney cancer and this will affect someone's chances are of getting cured. From what you say though, it seems as if your granddad will not be getting better and that's what you are struggling to deal with now.

It sounds like you and your granddad are very close and this must be a difficult time for you all. You may find that your feelings will change from hour to hour, day to day, and week to week. You will have days when you feel very positive and other times when you feel down, like you describe now. You may feel that you need to be strong for yourself, your granddad or your nannan. This is ok, but make sure that you also allow yourself to feel down sometimes and talk about your worries. It can be very exhausting to keep being strong all the time and it can stop you from talking to others about how you really feel when you have days and moments you feel more negative. Your nannan and granddad too will have days when they feel very positive and other times when they feel down.

You describe your relationship with your granddad as being like a father and son. This is a good foundation for you, but at the same time, because you have this strong bond it can be worse when thinking about that your granddad is "going to die no matter what"�.

Sometimes in these situations people often feel lost for words. This is ok. It is also natural to cry and you do not have to pretend to be brave when you do not feel it. You may find that you begin to relive at lot of memories and feel the need to 'put right' anything that is worrying you. I would recommend that you have a look at 'Living with cancer' in the support section of our website, as this is dealing with the things you are going through now.

You say that your granddad will die unless he has "a healing from god"�. Many people, whether they are religious or not, pray at such times and ask God for the healing of a loved one. Many individuals believe in the power of prayer and praying may be something that you and your family find helpful at this time. If you decide you would like to pray, this is something that you can do privately, or in the company of others.

If you are feeling really low and really down, it is very, very important that you speak to your granddad or nannan or another trusted adult such as a teacher, social worker or counsellor about how you feel. Be honest with the person that you choose to talk to. Someone who knows the situation fully will often be in a better position to help. If you do not feel like talking to someone face to face, you could have a look at our links for counselling and support organisations . You could also check out in the section called 'support in my area' and see if there are any local support service you could turn to.

If you would also like advice from people your own age, the forums on this website may be able to give you some ideas on how to cope with knowing that your granddad is going to die. It maybe that someone else is in the same situation and you can share ideas on how to cope and swap stories.

I hope that you find some of this advice helpful. If we can offer anymore advice, or if you'd like to talk things through privately, please get back in touch with us here at riprap.