I can't decide where to live

I'm 13 and my mum has had cancer since I was six. She has just been told that there are very few options now and I am going to lose her soon. I will have to move to live with my auntie or with my very close friends and I cant decide and its really stressing me out as both houses have PROS and CONS Any tips on how to decide

Hello,

I’m so truly sorry to hear about your mum and that you have to prepare for losing her soon. I guess with your mum having had cancer since you were six years old, you have somehow adapted to the situation of your mum being ill. But now to be told that you’re going to lose her must be absolutely devastating and perhaps it hasn’t quite sunk in yet…?

Losing your mum when you’re only 13 years old affects you in so many ways, both now and in your future life. And one thing that’s understandably on your mind is where you will live. What a huge question that is and so difficult to know what’s the best for you. It’s a big decision to make so I hope you’ve got help with this. It’s really good that you have two homes that would like to have you and as you say, there are pros and cons with both options. I guess only you know exactly what those pros and cons are and it may be helpful for you to sit down and have a think about what are the most important issues for you with regard to where you’ll be living. Is it to be with family? Is it to be close to school? Is it to continue living in your neighbourhood? Where do you think you will get the support that you need? That could be in relation to dealing with your grief and sadness after losing your mum and it could be in relation to school work and being a teenager in general…? Your mum knows you probably the best of all so does she have a preference? This is such a difficult question and I think you need to discuss it with your mum and you need to think through how your life would be affected by either of the options.

I hope this helps a little bit with a terribly difficult question. Hopefully the answer will become clearer to you the more you think about it. Please feel free to get back in touch anytime if you’d like to talk more privately about this or anything else in relation to what you’re going through.

Warm wishes

Hilde

Page updated 15 June 2015