Purplepagandragon - aged 14

I wish I could just get on with it like my sister but my coping skills don't seem to work like that at all.

My mum has just lately been diagnosed with breast cancer. It really shocked me, I didn't ever expect this to happen to me. One of my best friends' Mum died of breast cancer 3 years ago so this really got to me. I know it doesn't sound nice but I haven't really been able to talk to my Mum since she told me, it just doesn't seem right and I'm really angry about it.

I've been working really hard on anything I can find trying to distract myself but at the same time doing it to make my Mum feel better and happier. I worry about her. She's always been so an active, hard-working, caring, loving woman and all of a sudden she's not as active and is claiming benefits. It just doesn't seem like her. I really love my Mum and want to help her in every way.

I'm organising a few charity events for Breast Cancer Research UK and doing what I can to help her but I'm still at school and playing a lead with my GCSE drama class so working hard on that as well so I don't feel like I am really helping her. The play is being performed at a local theatre the same day as she has her operation and I really don't know what to do - whether I should do the play or go and spend time with Mum in hospital?

I feel like I'm being useless and not helping but following an operation in half term that had complications I'm not my usual self so not able to help about as much. I can't lift anything, can't cook because I can't lift my arms and I don't like feeling like I'm not helping her because of complications with the operation. I do know it's hard to cope with and it's likely to get better because they caught it early with my Mum but there's still that feeling at the back of my mind that she'll die and I don't know what to do. I love her though and no matter what I know she'll always be with me somewhere.

Page updated 18 July 2012