Georgia - 13 years old

I didn't know I was strong until I had no other option than to be strong.

I came home from school one Friday pretty happy cause it was the weekend and well I had no school work to do or catch u on so I go into the kitchen and know some things up because mum and dad didn't even say hi and dad usually always greets me with hi G or alright G but I could easily tell something was not alright.

Mum sits me down and just straight out tells me she had been diagnosed with cancer my world fell apart around me and had collected at my feet my only reaction is to burst into tears and completely breakdown. It was cervical. all I could think or remember from the little I had been told about the disease is that it kills I didn't know anything else and knew already that not everyone survives.

My imagination got the better if me and sometimes I imagined life with out mum I wouldn't of been able to go on . mum would always tell me "remember its curable" whenever I got upset about it around her which I rarely did because I felt guilty. I felt guilty for crying or being upset around the woman with the disease but then I felt guilty for being happy given our circumstances I didn't know what to feel or do anymore.

Im an only child so everyday I would come home from school and spend 2 to 3 maybe even 4 hours home alone before mum and dad got home from the hospital. most of this time was spent crying in my room alone or sobbing whist doing all the house work because dad didn't do it and mum was so ill and I couldn't let our house go to ruins and eventually it did got hard and it all got on top of me but I needed to carry on sometimes the cleaning was a distraction.so as soon as I hear the car pull up outside and see mum struggle in I pick my self and my spirits off the floor and plaster a smile on my face and carry on.

This went on for months .The crying. I was always brought up where school came first no matter what but I couldn't do it anymore the work got on top of me and I gave up and my levels started slipping then I got my term report and had failed all of my classes with the exception of a few and I mean like 2 or 3 at a push. my friends knew but I always felt like they were too carful around me and eventually they just left me out because none of them knew what to say to me abut my sad state. Christmas that year was awful we all just spoke about getting our "happy results " from the hospital but we didn't know what the hell was going to happen.

Mum had to stay in hospital for a while before chistmas . I remember lighting her favourite Christmas candles dad hated them but they reminded me so much of her that sometimes I snuck them into my room to light them there. we got the all clear after Christmas but even now mum still gets check ups just to be sure no nasty cancerous cells come back . its now I know that I didn't know I was strong until I had no other option than to be strong.

Page updated 11 October 2016